Articles / Card writing
How to roast someone in a card, kindly
Some people would rather be teased than toasted. A good roast in a birthday card says "I know you this well" louder than any verse. A bad one gets quietly put in the recycling. Here's how to land on the right side.
Why a good roast feels like love
You can only roast someone properly if you know them. Their terrible parking, their 47 open browser tabs, the way they still call it "the Myer sale" like it's an event. A generic card can't know any of that. A roast can.
Humour researchers Peter McGraw and Caleb Warren call this a benign violation: something is funny when it's a little bit wrong, but obviously harmless. Tell your dad his jokes are older than he is and the wrong part is the cheek. The harmless part is that you both know he'll repeat that line to everyone at the barbecue.
Psychologists who study teasing, led by Dacher Keltner, found the same edge. A tease builds closeness when the playfulness is clear: the exaggeration, the wink, the fact that it's obviously not meant. It stings when the person on the receiving end can't tell whether you mean it. Rod Martin's work on humour styles draws a similar line between affiliative humour, which pulls people closer, and aggressive humour, which puts someone down.
The test: the joke should be about how well you know them, not about what's wrong with them.
Who you can roast (and who you can't)
The closer you are, the more heat the friendship can take. Your sibling, your oldest mate and the dad who started it can all handle a roast. A new partner's mum, your manager or a cousin you see at Christmas probably can't, at least not yet.
Two more things to check before you pick up the pen:
- Do they roast back? If they never tease anyone, a roast can feel like an ambush. Some people simply prefer sincere.
- Is it a hard time? Birthdays, retirements and farewells suit a roast. Sympathy cards don't, and get-well cards only if they're on the mend and laughing about it already.
Fair game, and what to leave out
| Fair game | Leave it out |
|---|---|
| Habits and quirks: always late, reply-all, the 6am group chat | Weight, looks or anything about their body |
| Taste: their music, their footy team, their 2009 haircut | Money, a lost job or anything they're stressed about |
| Age, if they already joke about it themselves | Exes, break-ups or trying for a baby |
| Famously bad cooking, driving or dad jokes | Anything recent that still stings |
| A story only the two of you share | An in-joke that other readers might take the wrong way |
How hot to go
Think of a roast like toast. Too light and nobody notices. Golden is perfect. Burnt is burnt, however nice the handwriting.
Golden roasts have three things in common. They're specific ("you still haven't returned my esky from 2017"), they're exaggerated so nobody could take them literally, and they're about something the person chose, not something they can't change.
The roast formula: tease, then turn
The secret of every roast that lands is the last line. At a wedding speech or a comedy roast, the roaster always finishes sincere. Do the same in a card and the joke reads as affection, not a dig.
- Their name. Whatever you'd actually call them. A nickname is half a roast already.
- The roast. One joke, two at most. Pick the funniest true thing and cut the rest.
- The turn. One sincere line, starting with something like "Seriously" or "But honestly". This is the line they'll remember.
- A sign-off that sounds like you. "Love," "Cheers," or "Your favourite sibling, obviously."
Roast lines by occasion
Use these as a starting point, then swap in the details only you know. A roast borrowed word for word from the internet is the one roast that doesn't work.
| Occasion | Tease, then turn |
|---|---|
| Dad's birthday | "Happy 60th. Your jokes are older than you are, and somehow still not funny. Thanks for telling them anyway, every single time." |
| A mate turning 40 | "Welcome to 40, where a big night out means the shops and home by nine. There's nobody I'd rather get old and boring with." |
| Sibling's birthday | "Happy birthday to Mum's favourite (as you keep telling everyone). Fine. You're mine too." |
| Retirement | "Congratulations on retiring from a job you've been quietly retiring from since 2019. The place won't run the same without you, and we all know it." |
| Farewell from work | "Who's going to reply-all to everything now? Seriously, the office is losing its best laugh. Go well." |
| Wedding | "Jess, thank you for taking Sam off our hands. Sam, we've never seen you happier. Congratulations to you both." |
| Get well soon | "Honestly, anything to get out of the dishes. Rest up. It's far too quiet here without you." |
Roast the cover too
The front of the card can start the joke before they've opened it. In the Snailgram studio you describe a cover in one sentence, like "a smoke alarm going off over a cake with far too many candles" or "a sausage dog in a party hat looking deeply unimpressed", and pick from three designs made from it. Keep the roast for the inside, where the turn can follow it.
A roast in ink lasts longer
A cheeky text scrolls away by lunch. A card goes on the mantelpiece, where the in-laws read it, and into a shoebox, where it's read again in ten years. That's the best thing about a roast in a card, and the reason to be a little careful with it.
Before you send it: read it back as if you were them on a bad day. If it still makes you smile, it's golden.
With Snailgram, a real pen writes your message inside the card in real ink, exactly as you typed it. We never edit, rewrite or suggest your words, so the timing of the joke is all yours. A message holds up to 320 characters, which is plenty: the best roasts are short, and it leaves room for the turn. Then we stamp it and post it anywhere in Australia, with next business day delivery to most capital-city postcodes.
Questions
Is it okay to roast someone in a birthday card?
Yes, if you know them well and the joke is about something they already laugh at themselves. Keep it to one or two lines and finish with something sincere, so the card reads as affection rather than a dig.
How do you roast someone without being mean?
Pick something harmless they'd joke about too, like a habit or their taste in music, and exaggerate it so it's obviously not serious. Avoid their body, money, relationships and anything that still hurts. Then end with one honest, warm line.
What should I write after a roast in a card?
One sincere sentence that turns the joke around, such as "Seriously, I don't know what I'd do without you." The turn is what makes a roast feel like love, and it's the line they'll remember.
Can I roast a colleague in a work card?
Gently. Stick to a shared, harmless office joke, like their love of reply-all, and nothing personal. Work cards are read by the whole team and often taken home to family.
How long should a roast in a card be?
One or two lines for the joke and one for the turn. Short roasts are funnier, and a Snailgram message holds up to 320 characters, which fits a roast, a sincere line and their name with room to spare.
Sources
- McGraw, A. P. and Warren, C. (2010), "Benign violations: Making immoral behavior funny", Psychological Science.
- Keltner, D., Capps, L., Kring, A. M., Young, R. C. and Heerey, E. A. (2001), "Just teasing: A conceptual analysis and empirical review", Psychological Bulletin.
- Martin, R. A., Puhlik-Doris, P., Larsen, G., Gray, J. and Weir, K. (2003), "Individual differences in uses of humor and their relation to psychological well-being: Development of the Humor Styles Questionnaire", Journal of Research in Personality.
Sources
- Australia Post consumer research on handwritten notes, reported by Pulse Tasmania, June 2025.
- McCrindle, Aussie sentiment towards Christmas, 2016.
- Kumar, A. and Epley, N. (2018), "Undervaluing gratitude", Psychological Science. Summary from UChicago News.
- Liu, Kang and Wei (2023), Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. Summary from Ohio State News.
- Zhu and Molnar (2026), Computers in Human Behavior. Summary from Michigan Today.
- Schroll, Schnurr and Grewal (2018), "Humanizing products with handwritten typefaces", Journal of Consumer Research.
- Australia Post FY26 results and letter volumes, reported by the Canberra Times.
- Pinterest Predicts, reported by PG Buzz.
- Hallmark research, reported by Canadian Grocer.